Wait upon the Lord...

If I had to sum up 2011 in one word, the word that would roll off my tongue would be "change", and since as a general rule, change makes me nervous/ overwhelmed/ stressed out, this past year presented many difficulties. But, as the Bible promises us, " that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28) it is amazing to see how God used this change to push me to Him. Because He is the only thing in this whole world that does not change, if we are to find any sanity at all in this crazy life we must turn to Him.

Into 2012, change has continued to hold my hand on this path of life. Most of this is due to the fact that I am staring at a Graduation and a Senior Piano Recital happening in 5 months. With these wonderful milestones showing themselves on the horizon, fear can poke itself into your heart. Fear of the future, fear of failure, and mostly, fear of the unknown. But as we know, "perfect love casteth out fear..." (I John 4:18) and so the only way we can dispel these fears is to give them to God who is that perfect love.

The theme of change has extended into the my family as well. In just the latter half of the year, Josiah moved back, Elysse moved back, Liberty moved out, and we had at least 2 and up to 4 additional guests in our home on any given day.

With my older siblings being very much occupied with making these big decisions, I too felt pressure (mostly of my own making) to make a decision concerning "life after high-school". However, as I sought the Lord and His will, as well as talking to my parents numerous times, I came to the realization that this kind of decision could not be made the same way as you decide what you want for breakfast. Rather, this decision requires the ability to listen to what God says and to do it , even when it is not the answer you want or are expecting. I found that even when I did ask the Lord that He would show me His will and that His will would be done, I was already off thinking of reasons I should follow a certain path and not even attempting to open up my ears to listen to what God was trying to tell me.

One of my favorite songs is by Andrew Peterson entitled "The Silence of God" (If you have the chance I encourage you to look this song up on Youtube and listen to it as well as any and all of Andrew Peterson's songs... they are amazing). When I first sought the Lord, yet was not getting any response, I clung to this song as my answer: "The Silence of God". Yet as I continued on my decision-making path, I realized that sometimes you can make yourself believe God is Silent when you are simply not listening. I believe that somewhere through that journey I had stopped listening to the Silence when the Silence had begun to speak. I was choosing to wallow in the miserable fact that God had hid Himself from me, even as He was revealing Himself. It has been a long journey back, one that is not yet complete. I am still attempting to regain the ground I lost because of my pride in the fact that I could do it myself and my hurt that God would "abandon" me. This second journey has been much different than the first and the difficulties have seemed to come in different areas.

With this journey have come many challenges, challenges that at some points seem almost unconquerable and each time I meet them I am tempted again and again to take the "easy way out" and not meet them at all... and time and time again there is Christ, knocking on the door of my heart with his unmeasurable love that overwhelms me and I realize that I can't conquer anything, only HE can. Yet, once again, it seems that with each one of God's declarations of His faithfulness, the Enemy's sayings that I don't need God seem to become louder and louder. Caught in the middle, knowing exactly what you should do, yet realizing that it is in someways what you don't want to do is quite an interesting experience. To know that what you must do can only be done by surrendering the whole of your being over to Christ once again, but also feeling as if by surrendering you will lose something but knowing that if you don't you will lose something greater....


As I have been working through these thoughts and feelings as specifically relating to my decision, the words that keep running through my head are those of Ecclesiastes 3:1-8,
"To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace"

To everything there is a season....

In this season of my life, I believe that if I do want to accomplish God's plan in my life then I must seek in the Scriptures the promises of God and hold fast to them even as He holds fast to me. One of the promises in Scripture that God brought to my attention early last summer at the end of a day filled with worrying over the future was Isaiah 40:31, "But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint." This is an amazing promise, one of strength and power in the Lord... yet, it is also a command to "wait" and not wait in any way or on any thing but to "wait upon the Lord" and HE will "renew your strength.".... He is truly the ONLY one who can renew your strength and He will if you but ask and wait on Him... we truly have an AMAZING God!